Happiness · Health

Mastering my Life

As long as I can remember I have been driven by the idea of becoming the best version of myself. A better version of myself every day, week, month, year and decade. I managed to make some progress in the way I view this world, people in general and myself. Though I am not nearly where I want to be. Mostly I am not as productive as I want to be. I could do a lot more to better my life and myself. And maybe even the world. I don’t mean this in an arrogant type of way. I mean becoming a light that shines for others. Also I firmly believe life can be ‘mastered’ by realizing yourself. You are the only one who’s responsible for living up to your full potential. You are in charge of your own life. You decide what affects you. And only you can decide what’s worth your time and energy. I now decide to fully accept that I am responsible for what happens in my life. And if I want to live my dreams I need to take action and I need to know what I want. What the dreams are. I need to know what I live for. How mastering my own life looks like. What skills and activities I want to develop in order to get the most out of life and myself. I made a list of my dreams:

– Creating a dream home

– Starting a family

– Being a dedicated solitary practitioner within the religion of Wicca

– Being happy and healthy

In order to live these dreams I thought of a strategy, set goals and made plans. I made a list of things I want and need to do, in order to make the necessary progress and get where I want to be, devided in subjects:

– Wicca: Straight to the point. I want to be a good and faithful religious woman. One who honors the God and the Goddess we Wiccans believe in. Also I want to be an active solitary practinioner. This means I will regularly read in my Scott Cunningham book, work in my personal book of shadows, celebrate the Wiccan holidays and perform rituals.

– Prayer: Us Wiccans believe in the Universe who consists of a feminine and masculine deity or energy. ‘The Triple Moon Goddess’ who is represented by the moon. And ‘The Horned God’ who is represented by nature. But both are part of the bigger picture: The Universe. I will pray daily towards the Universe, I will connect with the Goddess with manifesting on moon cycles, and I will connect with the God through connecting with nature. When I pray, I will pray for blessings, health and happiness for the people I care about and myself. Also I will show my gratitude in my prayers.

– Health: I would like to have a clean and healthy body. For this reason I will; finally stop smoking, eat healthy, drink a lot of fluid and work out in the gym. I want to honor the home of my soul. So not only will I live healthy, I will also take great care of my body with a spa treatment every now and then.

– Personal development: To me, growing as a person is important. I think when you have insight in yourself your can benefit from this. For this reason I will keep up with a diary, and a log in which I will frequently assess and evaluate my personality trades, behaviour and perceptions. Sinds I am diagnosed with Bipolar Type 1, I will also do a recovery training for this illness and a course that will give me a certificate that allows me to work as an experience expert in the future.

– Hobby: I do have hobbies, but I hardly spend any time on them. Mostly my hobbies are blogging and reading fairy tales. On my blog I will keep track of my Wiccan Journey and mastering my life. As for reading fairy tales, I recently purchased a fairy tales book and I aim to read it every night before I go to sleep.

– Savings: My fiance and I want to save up money for our wedding, the house and starting our family. For this we need cut down on expences and put money aside every month. We already have some savings. So that gives us a head start.

– Responsibility: One things that seems to be very difficult for me, is not cancelling or rescheduling appointments. Also I find it hard to follow through with things once I started. This whole mastering my life thing is a chance for me to change this. Also I need to take responsiblity for the house. Since we are not renovating and redecorating yet, I tend to treat my house like it doesn’t matter yet. Which is a bit weird. Especially since I am fully aware of the fact that I’m a perfectionist who needs a really clean and tidy enviroment in order to feel calm and motivated.

– Ambition: There is nothing wrong with being a little ambitious. Even with the limits I need to work with due to the bipolar disorder. I really wish I will finish my florist study, so that maybe in the future I can start working in the desired field of expertise.

– Purification: This may sound a little strange to some poeple. But I firmly believe we all have a soul. Throughout life we experience and do things that affect our soul. In good and not so good ways. Just like any other human being I have unhealed wounds, and I have made mistakes. The unhealed wounds from mostly my childhood, created a shadow in my soul. I need to heal parts of myself in order to fully embrace myself and the world around me. As for the mistakes; luckily I am able to learn from them, though I have a hard time letting go of feelings of guilt. Recently I thought of a beautiful ritual to say goodbye to all the burdens from my past. So that I’ll be doing soon. I might share this ritual on my blog someday.

Quite the list right? It seems like a lot, but it is all very do-able and realistic. With this list, I made a program that is very easy to follow. I feel this program will create some balance and discipline in my life.

It’s time to wrap it up now. Thank you, for reading my post. I hope you feel inspired to get the most out of yourself too.

🍀

Poetry

Free Verse: Shadow

I’m a rose…
A delicate rose.
Though I have a shadow…
That is dark,
And hidden,
Just like my secrets.
On my fears it feeds,
My soul is fighting, as it bleeds…
It’s strategy,
A work of art.
It found a way,
To mind and heart.
Though this shadow,
Is but a shield.
It only protects,
What has not been healed.
All I need,
Is to take a breath…
Take a moment,
For it’s time to rest.
But not before,
I felt the pain,
Of the deepest cuts,
In my porcelain flesh…

– Dorothy Green, May 14 2021

Poetry

Black Bullets


Ignorant as she was, she fired five shots,
With bullets so black, black like charcoal,
She thought she had connected the dots,
But that was only the sickness of her soul.

The five black bullets rushed through the air,
But the black bullets made a rapid turn,
To be quite honest, it was only fair,
It was time for her to suffer and burn.

Not because she was evil or bad,
It was the shadow, behind her blue eyes,
Frankly it was very painful and sad,
It was only because she believed in lies.

One black bullet hit her in the heart,
Broken to pieces, it fell apart.

One black bullet hit her in the mind,
And so her sanity she could not find.

One black bullet hit her in the love,
No more help from the Heavens above.

One black bullet hit her in her feelings,
She was numb, cold and kept on bleeding.

One black bullet hit her in the knee,
So she fell to the ground, and started to plea:

She asked God for a merciful death,
And for forgiveness, if he would like,
Or for better days to come ahead,
To end the pain, a lucky strike.

No answer, just and icy stillness,
It was then she came to understand,
She had to heal from her nasty illness,
And not rely on a helping hand.

For five years she was someone else,
A year for each black bullet it took,
Before again she had found herself,
To turn a new page in her book.

Then one day she looked up to the sky,
Right in the eyes of her own creator,
The Universe had caught her eye,
A miracle and motivator.

And so she came to feel and see,
She finally could stop the fight,
The Universe had set her free,
She was filled with love and Light.

She started a journey and went her way,
With a backpack full of lessons learned,
Thanking the Universe every day,
For the freedom she undoubtedly earned…

– Dorothy Green

Geen categorie

Going for a hike with my Significant Other

Today my fiance took me out on a hike and I got to choose the destination. I chose to hike to a park I hadn’t been in seven years. Back in the day I used to go there a lot. But not with the right mindset, in a rough period of time in my life. I felt a little uneasy on our way there. Afraid I would be tormented with not so nice memories. But it was unnecessary.

When we got to the park I had decided I wanted to snap a few pictures of an area with lots of water. But something made me change my mind. I wanted to go to a specific field. This field:

We walked through the field and eventually sat down on this bench to take a moment to relax. My fiance made this picture.

When we were ready to head back home we came across a tree at the edge of this field. I said to my fiance: ‘One moment, I want to hi to this tree’. And so I walked up to it and I touched it with my hand. I told my fiance it felt nice. And next thing I knew he followed me and did the same! He made contact with the tree by touching it the same way I did. It was beautiful, I got butterflies in my stomach from that moment.

As we were walking home we came across another field. A little one with a few very large trees. I told my fiance I wanted to snap a few pictures because of the magical sight of it. I felt drawn to two trees in particular but my fiance suddenly said: ‘This one!’ And he pointed at one of the two trees.

While approaching the tree I put my hand on it to make contact. And it felt so warm and loving.

I felt it’s soul and it told me (not literally): ‘You are safe with me.’ It was a special moment. The whole sight of the little bright green field with these huge blooming trees was absolutely mezmerising. It was like a ‘Magical Fairy Tale’.

My fiance made a few pictures of me connecting with this tree. And then sat down next to me.

We had a great time together. Even though my fiance didn’t want to be in the pictures. Also I learned something from this experience. It’s important to follow your heart and intuition. Don’t plan on anything. Just go out into nature and you will feel where you need to be. It will call you. You don’t need to look for it.

Geen categorie

Trees have a soul!

At least, that’s what I believe. The tree in picture of this post is my favorite tree in my neighbourhood. It has a very soothing and inspiring energy. A few days ago my fiance made this picture. I was leaning against this tree for a picture of the two of us (me and the tree) and then went on with my walk.

During this walk a thought process was activated and I, in fact, miraculously, started thinking differently then I usually do. My thoughts were clear, positive and loving. Not fear induced or confused. I also started feeling things. I felt the inspiration to focus on the true important things in life. Like the beauty of this world and nature and the wonders of the Universe. But also on personal development, personal growth and letting go of ego and insecurities. It frankly was amazing. When I came home I deleted all the ‘I’m pretty’ pictures from my Instagram. Pictures I posed and groomed myself for. And I replaced them with pictures of me looking very average, but at peace in the moment, connecting with nature. Ultimately the contact I had with this tree shifted my energy. From fear to truth. From wanting to let go of fears and embracing the truth.

Somehow I really do believe trees have a soul. And this soul held a mirror right in front of me, and it told me: ‘You are going about it the wrong way. Look at the beauty that surrounds you and the beauty within yourself, not your appearance nor your successes. You are good enough.’ This was a huge eye-opener. Now that my eyes are opened and I am starting to let go of the desire to look outstanding or beautiful, I can’t even imagine how I could live the way I lived. I was imprisoned by my own insecurities and ego. Very much imprisoned. It was limiting and very far from the core of my being.

It’s wonderful how the treasures of the earth, can help and motivate one, to get closer to the core of one’s being. I thank this tree for helping me take a step forward in life, for opening my eyes and for providing me with energy and inspiration to start writing again. To start this blog. A blog that will help me in the process of becoming a better version of myself.

Thanks for reading and showing interest.

Geen categorie

What I will embrace…

At this point in my life I decided to start letting go of ego and insecurity and start focussing on the true significant things in life. The miracles of The Universe and the treasures of Planet Earth: Nature.

When I walk outside whether it being in town or in a natural environment. I somehow look at life like it is a Magical Fairytale. The grass so soft and deep green, these beautiful, colorful flowers, and those big and mezmerising blooming trees who I believe, have a soul. To me the outside world is very captivating. I feel the urge to embrace the life giving warmth of the Sun and the mystical energy of the Moon. That last one is a Wiccan thing.

Besides appreciating the wonders of The Universe and the treasures of the earth. I also want to embrace myself with all my imperfections, and my Wiccan Journey, which is also about personal growth and living up to your full potential. This will need time, effort and the right focus. Time to connect with how I feel about things, effort in trying to live a healthy and meaningful life, and focus on the good things in life.

Last but not least. I will start to embrace Love and Light. Not only embrace it. But as a solitairy Wiccan I will also practice in Love and Light. It’s what my Heart and Soul wants, and what I think is part of the meaning of life for me.

Thanks for reading and showing interest! Have a blessed day!

Geen categorie

What I will let go…

My childhood so to say was quite a bit rough. I grew up in children’s homes since my parents were unable to take care of me. I was placed in a foster home at the age of eight. I was raised like any other child with love and care. Though my unusual childhood created a shadow in my soul. It had found a way to mind and heart. It caused me to feel insecure and scared of a lot of things. Especially I became afraid of rejection and not being good enough the way I am. Which caused me to focus on the wrong things in life like my appearance and success, and it was never good enough. Also I had a hard time believing in myself and finding my path and the true meaning of life. And most of all: I felt unloved and unworthy. I was suffering and wandering aimlessly. Though as I got older I began to see light at the end of the tunnel.